English Home

THE COLLEGE ESSAY
DEVELOPED BY THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
BISHOP EUSTACE PREPARATORY SCHOOL

"My GPA doesn't reflect how hard I work," says one student. "I don't know if my S.A.T.s are high enough," says another. Too often parents and student discuss GPAs, S.A.T. scores and co-curricular activities as the most important issues in the college application process. By only focusing on these areas, perhaps the most important ingredient is overlooked: the college essay. The student's transcript paints only part of the overall portrait. James W. Wickendan, the former Dean of Admissions at Princeton, reminds students that "the essays make the facts in a folder come to life. We don't know the applicants personally. We haven't taught them, or coached them, or counseled them. All we have is the image presented in the portfolio, and the essays do much to shape our impression."

Trying to shape the impression of the admissions committee is where some students encounter trouble. James McMenamin, Director of Admissions at Columbia, notes, "Too many people lose out by trying too hard to impress in the essay. What we want is honest insight into a real person, and what is special about him or her." Many experts warn about the overuse of the "50-cent words" and promises of perfection. This guide is intended to assist you in piecing together a portrait of yourself for your chosen college/university to see.

Colleges vary on the required number of essays for the applicant. No matter how many essays are required, you will discover that for the most part these essays fall into four categories:

1. Tell us about yourself
2. Tell us about an academic or extracurricular interest.
3. Tell us why you want to attend our college/university.
4. Respond to a thought-provoking statement, a book, or a contemporary problem.

In the first two categories the college/university seeks a befter understanding of you as an individual. The topics may have wording similar to the following:

  • "What are your career choices?"
  • "Tell us anything about yourself, your activities, your interests, or your goals that will help us know you better."

Sometimes the topic is broad enough to allow the student to choose his/her own response:

  • "In reading and evaluating your application we hope to gain as complete a picture of you as possible. Use this opportunity to tell us anything you think we should know about you."

Any of the phrasing for category 1 or 2 demands specific details. You must show, not just tell about yourself so the admissions people can learn more about you. To make the right choice, you must first assess what in your personality and accomplishments best illustrates the character you have. For example, you can discuss your commitment to something, or how you overcame a problem, etc. Rather than providing a "shopping list" of accomplishments, focus on only one.

The third category requires you to explain why you want to attend that particular school. This essay wants you to show your understanding of the school. This type of essay question is usually direct:

  • "Why do you think our school is appropriate for you?"
  • "How did you become interested in our school?"
  • "Why do you think our school can best meet your career preferences?"
  • "Why do you believe our school can best fulfill your academic interests?"

In order to respond effectively to this type of question you should:

 1. Study the catalogs, brochures, videos, etc. regarding the school, its curriculum, and its activities.
 2. Talk to students currently enrolled and ask about courses, teachers, dorms, etc.
 3. Visit the campus. References to your visit will help you include specific details.

Vague statements such as "Your college will give me the educational experience I need..." applies to anyone at any school. You must be able to explain why you like what you see. For example: "_____________ University attracted my attention because of the research facilities, as well as the intern program at the local hospital."

The fourth category looks for personal reaction to thought-provoking topics and allows you to tell more about yourself. It is an opportunity to demonstrate your originality as a writer. You can be playful or serious in tone, so long as you are natural. The questions may read as follows:

  • "What book or author has particularly impressed you? Please explain the significance of your choice. We encourage you to incorporate plot elements only as necessary to support your thesis."
  • "Imagine the year is l881. You may expect to live for another thirty-five years. What person would you most want to know well during this time? For what reasons?"
  • "If you were given the opportunity to spend an evening with any one person, living, decease, or fictional, whom would you choose and why?"

Now that you have some idea about the types of questions that can be asked, you are ready to begin your writing. At this stage you need to gather data about yourself. The information can also help you be articulate in college interviews, so that when asked about yourself, you can answer with specifics. Below you will find a list of suggestions to help you put your thoughts into words. At this stage do not worry about spelling, punctuation, and the flow of ideas.

 1. List all your activities for the past four years including (1) school activities; (2) community service; (3) other activities (lessons, work, travel); (4) awards and honors. Include years of participation and offices held. (This list can also serve as an aid for people writing your recommendations).
 2. Record your major travel experiences. Show your strongest impressions and how they affected you.
 3. Think of one or two sayings that you've heard again and again around your house since childhood. How have they shaped your life?
 4. Describe an accomplishment that you had to struggle to achieve. Include what it was, how you tackled it, and how it changed you.
 5. List any shortcomings in your school record and explain why they occurred. If you could relive the last four years what would you change and how?

In addition to these responses, attempt to follow each of the following steps:

Step 1: Allow yourself time -just as it is unrealistic to compose a good paper for the classroom in only one sitting, you cannot expect to compose your college essay in one sitting or in a few minutes. Check to see when the essay is due and then establish some type of schedule for completion of the essay.

Step 2: Rough Draft - do not be afraid to expose your feelings. If the essay does not "come from the heart" the phoniness will come through. Frustration comes from not knowing where to start. Do not worry about any formal openings or closing, just get ideas down on paper. Remember, your task is to provide details so that the college admissions people will know you.

Step 3: First Draft - now is the time to write the introduction. Can you find some type of metaphor that neatly sums up your personality? Reexamine the rough draft to be sure that as you rewrite it, you are focusing on how the experience has changed your life. Remember, the admissions office has thousands of applications to read and process and you want them to remember yours. Be concise and clear!

Step 4: Final Draft - try to allow yourself 36-48 hours after writing your first draft before writing the final draft. The reason for this time-lapse is so you can attack the essay in a refreshed, more critical manner. Attempt to have someone proofread the essay who knows you well and tell you whether the person in the essay is really you.

Throughout the writing process - from first to final draft - consider these four tips for good writing.

Keep Your Audience in Mind - Remember that you are introducing yourself to a college. Colleges want to know. (1)your intellectual and creative interests; (2) your personal experiences; (3) how well you write; (4) what's special about you.

Beware of "Engfish" - Writers who try to impress readers with long-winded sentences are "Engfishing," a common practice in school according to Kenneth Macrorie, a noted writing instructor. To avoid "Engfish," relax, be natural, and ask yourself, "Ain I being honest and direct?"

Show, Don't Just Tell - Generalizations without details fall flat, for the reader learns too little about you.

Requesting Recommendations - In choosing the teacher(s) ask yourself (1) How well does the teacher know me; (2) Has the teacher taught me for more than one course; (3) Has the teacher sponsored an extracurricular activity in which I was involved. To make the teacher's job easier (l) Have all of the proper forms; (2) Have available a list of your extracurricular activities, including leadership positions and honors achieved; (3) Prepare a cover letter that explains the deadline; (4) Include an addressed and stamped envelope for each college recommendation form.


Sample College-Admission Application Essay

The essay below is the response to the following college admission application topic: Discuss some issue of local or national concern and its importance to you.

Last year our community destroyed part of its own heritage when the wrecking ball brought down the ornate Gothic structure that was once our railroad station. Such was the media's wording: the wrecking ball brought it down. In fact, we, the citizens of this community, brought it down. Mincing words to avoid blame falls short of accepting reality. Although city officials purportedly made an attempt to locate potential developers, many of us questioned their seriousness. Deadlines, extended twice, came and went with "not even a nibble" of interest. So now the old railroad station is gone. Its demolition testifies that historic preservation, only a fancy word for some local individuals with stately homes, lacks meaning for the general citizenry. How sad. For instance, many contemporaries living in the fast lane lack the roots that give stability and sense of direction from the perspective of where they have been. In contrast the picture in our family album shows Mother, aged twelve, standing in the crowd waiting at the railroad station for debarking passengers, steam puffing from beneath passenger-train cars. Grandma and Grandpa stand together, their suitcase piled against a post, waiting for Uncle Fred's approaching surrey. That is "heritage." That is where I came from, my family, a picture that tells me more than names and places. Their life style spills out for me. But the station is gone. My children will never see what they should not have been denied. They will not walk through waiting rooms or hallways where their grandparents walked; they will not share the heritage. The sabotage hangs as a sin on this community's shoulders.

What makes this essay work? Read it and look at the sentence structure, concrete details, and vocabulary. You can sense the personality of the speaker. Remember all of the ideas discussed earlier in this guide. Within the essay, this writer has incorporated all of them.